Hello

Welcome to the Carrd for @polyamourouscultureis!

Tags & Terminology

Here are some words you may come across on my blog!

  • Polyamory: The fact or practice of being romantically or sexually involved with more than one person with the knowledge and consent of all parties. Can be used as an umbrella term (interchangeable with ethical non-monogamy), identity, and/or description of behavior.

  • Open relationship: When two people in a relationship decide to start seeing people separately from each other. Sometimes overlaps with swinging or unicorn hunting (below).

  • Polygamy: Having more than one spouse. Illegal in most countries.

  • Swinging: When a couple in a romantically monogamous relationship "switches" partners with another couple for casual sex.

  • Metamour: Your partner's other partners, whom you are not dating.

  • Queerplatonic/Quasiplatonic: A relationship which is more intense and intimate than is considered common or normal for a "friendship", but doesn't fit the traditional sexual-romantic couple model.

  • Compersion: The feeling of joy one gets when seeing their partner being happy with another partner. Often considered the "opposite of jealousy."

  • Polysexual: Attraction to multiple, but not all, genders. Separate from but often confused with polyamory.

  • Polycule: The collective group of one's partners, metamours, and all who are romantically or sexually involved with them.

  • Unicorn hunting: When a couple is "looking for a third" to add to their existing relationship. Seen as objectifying and unethical in most polyamorous spaces.

  • Amatonormativity: The expectation that one lives their entire life committed to only one person, and is both sexually and romantically involved with them. Challenged by aromaticism, asexuality, and polyamory alike.

Here is a list of tags I use to organize the blog and what you can find under them for easy navigation.

  • #about me | This tag includes anecdotes from my personal polyam journey, such as how I first knew I was polyamorous and info about some of my partners.

  • #polyam asks | A catch-all for asks I receive about polyamory.

  • #monogamous polyamory | This tag includes info and resources about navigating polyamory as a monogamous person.

  • #resources | Masterposts of information, FAQs, outside links or books for specific circumstances

  • #op | Posts I created myself!

  • #graphics | Pictures and art with a polyamourous theme, vibe, or symbolism.

  • #poly media | Contains memes, textposts, graphics, etc for TV shows, movies, books, and other media with good polyamorous representation in them.

  • #labels | Asks about whether something "counts" as polyam, what label suits their situation best, etc

  • #advice | Longer posts with my personal advice

  • #definitions | Polyam terminology.

  • #qpr, #polyaffectionate, #aspec, etc | Posts mentioning specific labels and how they can intersect with polyamory.

who runs this blog?

Hello! I'm Cassidy, and I run @polyamorouscultureis. Thanks for being here!

  • Main blog: @booksbroadwayb99 (linked below)

  • I'm 26, I work as a stage manager and playwright

  • I started identifying as polyamorous when I was 16

  • I currently have one partner

  • Any pronouns, t4t

FAQs

What is polyamory?
"Polyamory" is when someone has multiple romantic relationships at one time. "Polyamorous" is a word which can be used as an identity word (such as gay, trans, etc) or as a description of behavior.

Isn't that just cheating?
Not inherently. In polyamory, all partners fully consent to the relationship. Cheating happens when one partner (or more - cheating can still happen in polyam relationships!) is unaware that their partner is seeing someone else, or otherwise violating the terms of the relationship.

How do I know if I'm polyamorous?
Do you find yourself having multiple crushes at once? Do you find yourself fantasizing about having a whole group of people to love on? Do you and your partner have mismatched sex drives, social batteries, or love languages?
If so, you may be interested in trying polyamory. Keep in mind: this is not for everyone. You must be prepared for blunt honesty, constant communication, and complete vulnerability. EVERYONE must be fully aware from the get go that you are seeing many people. It is also not a magic fix to relationships that aren't working out.

How did YOU know you were polyamorous?
I was a theatre kid.Ok, that's not the whole story, but unsurprisingly theatre plays a part.
When I was 16, I was in a community theatre production of Guys and Dolls. During rehearsals I met two people who would very quickly become very close friends of mine. We would jokingly flirt with each other occasionally, which evolved to kissing each other on the cheeks, which evolved to kissing each other on the lips as a greeting. I very quickly developed a crush on both of them.
My first instinct was to try to figure out which one I liked more. Because I certainly have to choose, right? And yet, one moment stands out to me very specifically. I saw the two of them cuddling together backstage, and my heart became so full just seeing the two of them together, being so happy, playing with each other's fingertips. It was so incredibly cute. Then, they saw me looking at them. Immediately, they both beckoned for me to come over and join them. The three of us sat with our arms around each other, and it was comfortable just like that.
That compersion that I felt I always look back on as the moment I realized this was the kind of relationship I would thrive in. Sadly the three of us never made anything "official," but I still consider that my first triad considering the dynamic we had - even if we had all decided to date nothing would have changed behaviorally.
Since then I have been openly polyamorous and have been in more triads, vees, quads, and all kinds of funny-shaped polycules with their own unique dynamics. I love the energy in starting a new relationship and the comfort of coming home to a long one. I love getting to know people in all kinds of ways and learning their love languages and communication styles. I love to have the freedom to ursue any and all relationships I desire. And I love to watch my partners fall in love with others, too.

My partner wants to open the relationship, what do I do?/I want to open the relationship, how do I tell my partner?
COMMUNICATE!
Set boundaries, make reassurances, and allow yourself space to feel all the ugly feelings that come with such a transition in a relationship dynamic. Jealousy, anxiety, embarrassment, all of that is normal and NEEDS to be talked about. Be honest, have tough conversations, and be open to compromises on both a polyam and monogamous viewpoint. Set and respect each other's boundaries, and if you find you don't like them, talk about why. And remember - adding a person won't fix a broken relationship. Fix your problems together before considering seeing more people.

I'm monogamous but want to understand more about polyamory. Where do I start?
If you know polyamorous people, it's always best to ask them! We are very well-versed in blunt honesty - no question is too awkward (with obvious exceptions, of course. Don't be a pervert).
Secondly, I recommend the website MoreThanTwo. It has some great articles and resources for beginners in polyamory as well as information for monogamous people who want to educate themselves.

Does XYZ count as polyamorous?
It is entirely up to you how you define your relationships! Regardless of if you are single, in a closed triad, in a group of queerplatonic partners, have one partner but are open to more, questioning, swinging, or anything in between, it is polyamorous if that label is comfortable to you. You may also like to describe your identity or situation with subcategories of polyam such as polyaffectionate, relationship anarchy, open relationships, and more! We don't police labels here - there are no minimum requirements to "qualify."

Why haven't you answered my ask yet?
I try to answer every ask I get, but I get a lot of similar questions and have a limited amount of energy to answer them all, so I prioritize the ones I feel like haven't been answered/discussed on my blog yet! That said, sometimes things do get lost at the bottom of the box, or advice becomes outdated. Check my #asks and #polyam asks tags to see if I've answered your question or a similar one, and if not, feel free to send another if it's been over a month and I haven't gotten to it. Thanks for your patience!

Can I send you a private message?
Yes! My DMs are always open if you have questions, stories to tell, need advice, or anything in between. I check tumblr nearly every day so you will get a response as quick as I can!